The Celebrity Apprentice Season 5 Episode 1 Recap: Hero Worship
On the season premiere of The Celebrity Apprentice, the 18 contestants open up sandwich shops in the name of charity. Rachael Ray weighs in on the challenge as Unanimous (the men's team) and Forte (the women's team) battle for Mr. Trump.
The Trump limo pulls up in front of Lincoln Center. Trump tells as he enters the building how awesome last season was. Yeah it was! I'm not sure if anyone is going to be able to top Dionne "I've got your number, hussy," Warwick, but my fingers are crossed. I apologize in advance for typos. Here are the players:
Men: Arsenio Hall, Lou Ferrigno, Clay Aiken, Adam Carolla, Penn Jillette, George Takei, Dee Snider, Paul Teutul, Sr
Women: Tia Carrere, Debbie Gibson, Teresa Giudice, Victoria Gotti, Lisa Lampanelli, Dayana Mendoza, Aubrey O'Day, Patricia Velasquez, Cheryl Tiegs
After some pre-game trash talk, Trump tells us it's time to "face the music." Oh no, I just got out of my X Factor hangover. Oh, he was just offering a segue into the mini-orchestra on the stage where the contestants stand. After some repartee with the contestants, Trump instructs the contestants to split into teams based on gender, pick a project manager, come up with a team name and return to the Board Room to get details on the first task. Cut to the short credits.
We start with the men. Adam Carolla offers some suggestions: Backhair; Trump-eteers, and the Honey Badgers. The room laughs, but Clay Aiken interviews, "Mr. Trump does not suffer childishness." Is Clay gunning for the Mark McGrath brownnoser slot? Penn points out they aren't unanimous, and a lightbulb goes off. Unanimous it is. After the name is decided, Lou shares with the team he has a hearing problem, but can read lips and isn't being rude if he isn't immediately responsive. The next item on the agenda: pick a PM. Everyone sits on their hands. Adam suggests a well-rounded person should take the job since they don't know the task. He points to Paul Teutul as an example of someone who would be better for a specialized task. Paul grunts, saying he has been a business-owner for 40 years, so he'll take the job. That settles that.
The women gather in their workroom. Cheryl Tiegs identifies herself as a loner, apropos of nothing, so this collaboration process is a bit overwhelming. Suggestions are thrown out in rapid-fire and Victoria Gotti hates them all. Lisa Lampanelli tries to offer some suggestions, but she can't get a word in edgewise. Debbie Gibson suggests Forte, bringing about a compromise on showing strength and using something Italian. Patricia Velasquez (Marta for all you Arrested Development fans) volunteers to be the Project Manager.
Sitting next to Trump in the Boardroom are Ivanka and Don Jr. Huh, I wonder what Marta and Gob's dynamic will be this season? For those keeping score at home, there are nine women and eight men, but there are supposed to be 18 people in the cast. Racecar driver Marco Andretti was supposed to be the ninth man, but a friend of his was killed in a crash. His father, Michael Andretti, will join the cast later. Anyway, this week's task is the standard "take over a restaurant" challenge. The teams will make and sell celebrity sandwiches. The team with the most sales and tips wins.
Unanimous
The men have a strategy session in their workroom. Paul wants to create a spectacle and will call on some of his biker buddies to ride in and create a scene. Penn Jillette offers to do his carnival barker schtick to draw in additional traffic. Adam suggests emphasizing price over volume, which is a smart idea. As they discuss fundraising goals, Paul says without much hesitation he can easily pull in half-a-million dollars. Everyone does a "say what?" double take. Clay interviews that everyone put away their rolodexes – if Paul can deliver on his promise, there's no need to waste good contacts on the first task. The team discusses branding and Penn suggests keeping it simple. Paul, who goes by the nickname Chopper, should be the focus of the brand.
The guys head to the deli to get a feel for the location and start the prep work. Paul begins piecing together his Chopper sandwich: ham, tomatoes, sweet peppers, some cheese, and oil and vinegar. He seems a bit flustered and asks George Takei to start taking notes. George's calm demeanor seems to rub Paul the wrong way, which Paul reveals in an interview.
As the prep work gets underway, Paul finally has a free moment to start calling some of his contacts. Ivanka pays a visit and has a somewhat gruff conversation with Paul. He tries to sidestep her direct questions, but the reason we all love Ivanka is because she doesn't put up with nonsense. She manages to get Paul to spill the beans about his $500,000 goal. Outside, Ivanka tells the camera she likes the aggressiveness of Paul's goal and acknowledges he can be rough around the edges. Later, Michael Andretti arrives to help with more of the prep work. The team welcomes him and Dee Snider's first order of business is to check in on how Marco and his friend's family are doing. I'm so glad Dee is doing this show because he always struck me as a class act.
The next day the team finishes its sandwich prep. Paul suggests George has not been paying attention to what is going on. George challenges Paul on this point, but the conflict doesn't escalate (sorry, editors). After a glamour shot of the still totally ripped 60-year-old Lou Ferrigno (George approves, hehe), the doors open. Penn is in full barker mode, complete with juggling pins and fire-eating. Some bikers arrive and biker chicks help with the crowd gathering. They test out a slogan: "A [bleeping] good sandwich!" Careful: these sandwiches give you blurrymouth. Penn describes himself as "carny trash," but says Clay is the one really pushing the upsells on the customers. One guy tried to donate only $500, but Clay busted him for using a platinum credit card and got the donation bumped up to $1000. Good job, Clay.
However, with the circus atmosphere outside, there's not as much activity inside the restaurant. The kitchen staff isn't panicked because they haven't been overwhelmed, even at lunch time. Clay, who has been manning the register all day, gets antsy because he has yet to see any big checks come through. Adam is also aware of the small payments coming through and worries Paul may have overestimated his clout.
Forte
Patricia and her team are really excited about the task. Former Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza is particularly excited to be working with Patricia, who is one of her fashion model icons. As the planning begins, Patricia says she wants to do something along the lines of Carnivale. Victoria says they will need all sorts of permits to pull that off. Debbie Gibson turns the idea into a red carpet event – a sort of Celebrity Club Sandwich. Ah, see what she did there? As roles are assigned, particular the more public-facing roles, Aubrey O'Day raises a huff in an interview. She's offended that the others have not acknowledged how she is the most recognizable star in the cast, not only because she has the most Twitter followers out of everyone (HA!) but because she was in Danity Kane. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh honey, I have no idea who you are but please never ever change.
The team sets to work on phonebanking. Patricia really wants to win for her charity so she is pulling out all the stops. Her teammates? Not so much. Cheryl interviews she wants to keep some of her bigger contacts in her back pocket. Lisa mentions Victoria seems to be on the phone dealing with personal business rather than the task at hand. Debbie's concern is that the team still hasn't checked out the deli. When they reach the restaurant, the prep work starts out at a snail's pace. That's not good.
The next morning, the women meet up to take vans to the restaurant. Victoria misses the meeting and no one is able to get a hold of her. Aubrey interviews this development surprised exactly zero people. Victoria shows up about an hour later, claiming she had some sort of eye injury the night before. She says it was a torn cornea or retina or something, but her eye looks fine to me.
The doors open and business is booming. Former Celebrity Apprentice contestant Carol Alt stops by to lend some help and the women do a great job of meeting and greeting the passers by. "I have the tendency to be incredibly charming," Aubrey brags in an interview. Never change. Wyclef stops by to see how things are going. For the youngsters reading this, Wyclef is sort of like will.i.am circa 1998. He drops off a check for $15,000 before joining Debbie Gibson for a jam session. Aubrey comments that Debbie loves the sound of her own voice but Aubrey isn't afraid to steal the microphone and start jamming with Wyclef. Remind me to send a thank you card to the casting department.
Big name donors with big checks keep coming into Forte's restaurant. Andy Cohen and Russell Simmons drop by and we see multiple five-figure checks come in. Gob enters the restaurant to see how things are going. A fake paparazzo asks Gob "who are you wearing?" "I dunno," he responds. Hehe. Patricia reports how happy she is with how things are going. Gob is concerned that there may be some misfires where the menu is concerned, but there are no other major problems to report.
Trump and the Board Room
Towards the end of the task, Trump holds a conference call with the PMs. He instructs them to each take their best sandwich to the Rachael Ray show. Whichever sandwich Rachael prefers will receive bonus money added to the team total. Forte sends Lisa and Victoria with a Celebrity Club International. Unanimous sends Arsenio Hall and Adam with the basic Chopper. Rachael likes the chew and texture of Forte's sandwich, but the Chopper is well-balanced with a good meat/cheese/bread ratio. Her choice will be revealed in the Board Room.
In the Board Room, Trump begins his questioning with Forte. Patricia is confident her team won. She picks Dayana as her MVP because she brought in people and a lot of money. Patricia also praises Tia's work at the register because she interacted really well with the customers. Trump verifies with Patricia she would not bring back Tia if they lost the task, but Tia says, "you can bring me back, it's okay." Trump tells her the comment was not a smart thing to say. On the subject of who to bring back, Patricia says she would bring back Cheryl, who worked hard but did not bring in money, and Victoria. Victoria admits she was disagreeable in the planning process. Patricia's beef with Victoria was that she was unresponsive when the team tried to track her down the morning of the task.
Trump begins the chat with Unanimous by welcoming Michael to the show. Paul says he is proud to have worked with a team that got to work without any complaining. He praises Penn for bringing in so many people with his carnival tricks, but Penn says Paul was the bigger draw. Paul says there were no weak players on the team, but if he had to choose two to go back to the Board Room they would be George and Arsenio. Paul explains his belief that George has a meek personality. Trump goes to bat for George, saying he has been a major fighter in the gay rights movement. Um, that was unexpected. George adds that his upbringing included time in internment camps and general racism. In other words, George is a tough cookie, and it's the quiet ones you should watch out for. Paul says Arsenio was a random pick and he did nothing wrong. Adam mentions that Paul did pick two people representing three minorities – do with that what you will.
On to the results. Cafe Metro, the sandwich shop the teams worked out of, will donate $35,000 to the team that won Rachael Ray's vote. That team was...Unanimous. After some talk about Lou's body weight, we get the full challenge results. Gob reports Forte broke the record for money raised in the first task, collecting $126,962. Ivanka reports Unanimous earned $332,120. YIKES! That doesn't even include the $35,000 bonus. Unimous wins the task and Paul's charity, the Make a Wish Foundation, gets over $494,000. It turns out an unnamed donor bought one sandwich from Paul for $305,000. Unanimous leaves the Board Room.
Patricia is surprised and disappointed with the result, but what can you do in that situation? Aubrey tries to make the pitch to let Patricia keep her portion of the money raised, but Trump vetoes the idea before she can get to the ask. Patricia says she and Dayana were the big moneymakers for the team, bringing in upwards of 90% of the donations. Trump asks a number of inappropriate questions about Dayana's contacts before moving on to who should get fired. The consensus begins to settle upon Cheryl and Victoria. Cheryl says she brought in 10-15 thousand bucks, but Patricia disputes this. She was keeping track of receipts and Tia asked every customer which celebrity drew them into the restaurant. Oh snap. Trump talks to Aubrey about working with Diddy. "I love Diddy," Trump says in his "I love toast" voice. Adam, who is watching the proceedings from the lounge, says, "Trump has never been whiter." Hehehehe. Trump and Ivanka pick on Tia for her faux pas from earlier, but you can tell she would make good on her threat that she can defend herself in the Board Room if she needed to. No one thinks Patricia should go. Patricia chooses Cheryl and Victoria.
The team exits so Trump and the kids can chat. No one is excited about the choice before them but someone has to go. When the three women return, Cheryl opens by saying she worked hard behind the scenes and made several sales. Patricia rehashes her point about keeping track of all the receipts and Cheryl's claims do not make mathematical sense. Victoria admits she did hold back on her contacts but adds her job was to work the kitchen and not sales. Patricia says she isn't surprised that her teammates held back on calling in favors, but she would have liked everyone to have brought in some money. Cheryl uses this as an opportunity to say she also held back but she also isn't from New York. Patricia isn't either and she did just fine in the fundraising department. Patricia had no regrets being PM and Victoria says she did an excellent job. Patricia believes Victoria can be an asset if she focuses but Cheryl is not bringing much to the table. Victoria agrees with this assessment. So does Cheryl. "I don't know if this is right for me," she says. Cheryl says she's not sure if she fits into this group. Although Trump fires her, this is more like withdrawing from the process – not quitting, just acknowledging that no one's time should be wasted.
Next week on The Celebrity Apprentice: Medieval Times! Dee Snider drag! The Real Housewives of Camelot! Gotti got got!
Mike McComb – TVLatest.com
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