Survivor South Pacific Recap: I Need Redemption
Another season of Survivor began with high production value. Cameras zoomed in watching Ozzy and Coach arrive on helicopter. Almost immediately, Coach emphasized his self-righteousness and I knew I was in for a rough season. Please don't be as delusional as you used to be. Ozzy had strength, but no strategy. Sadly, he has no Yul or Parvati to guide him. The other Survivor cast members had paddled in, each describing their chances of winning. Native American Elyse hoped that her spirit animal will come to her during rough times. Maybe she should be praying to the spirits of Miss America instead. Cattle rancher Rick did homework for survival. I would have done cultural homework. Russell Hantz' nephew Brandon wanted to give the Hantz name a positive life. That will never happen. He was casted because the producers wanted more Russell, but had no way to make any half-wit excuse to get him back on. Jeff pointed out that the 18 contestants were "strangers," he should have said 16 new contestants and two people who have talked during a fundraiser or on Facebook through Parvati will learn to adapt.
The contestants walked in and were presorted into their teams in unfortunate cloths. Remember the days when everyone had an equal chance of performing in challenges because they had khakis, bathing suits, and sneakers? As the helicopters whizzed around, Edna turned to Brandon and said, "I hope it's not Russell." Yep, Brandon's on borrowed time. Maybe he could say his last name was Huntz and say that his tattoo artist did a horrible job for a two-for-one sale. Coach and Ozzy arrived on their helicopters to the mixed review of contestants'; the biggest dissent coming from Christine. Christine made fun of Coach and then called the two "temporary players." Cochran announced his Survivor fan-ness and I'm hoping that he brings the snark through the whole season.
To announce which tribe they were going to be on, Jeff made the two pick eggs. A mystery bag with buffs could have sufficed. Maybe if we cut the egg with paint budget, we could have a season on a non-pacific island. Ozzy tried to squash his egg on his chest unsuccessfully. Luckily his paint was red and it now looked like he'd bleed for his team. The blue tribe groaned as Coach held on to his butt cheeks. His metaphor, not mine. Jeff announced Redemption Island, which sounds the same from last season. The redemption island winner will return at some point.
The first challenge was a "Hero Challenge" for Ozzy and Coach. They had to climb a wooden post and save a poor defenseless turtle, dig under a wooden post and solve a puzzle to win a food/flint reward. The two started and Ozzy took a lead climbing and digging. Poor Coach had the disadvantage of being bigger when digging. Sadly, the two were too stupid understand the puzzle as Jeff screamed at both of them that they were cheating. I hoped that they started over because it wasn't fair at all watching Ozzy move two blocks and then go "oops" but not return the blocks. The challenge resorted to the teams screaming at Coach and Ozzy. Eventually, "Ozzy" solved the puzzle, and got the reward. As Upolu left, Edna was the only contestant that helped out Coach.
Savaii cheered in happiness as the tribe looked at Ozzy with stars in their eyes. Ozzy claimed to be playing strategically, but it still wasn't showing. Semhar did some spoken word in front of her team, her passion mesmerizing Ozzy. Ozzy suggested a chill, laid back approach so they all should jump in the ocean. Cochran didn't want to join in because of his translucent skin. He then accepted dork-status and Baywatched in.
Coach tried his best to calm people down about team efforts and each talked about their occupations at Upolu. Then we got random Russian subtitles. Thanks. Upolu built a shelter together with Coach providing small helpful hints. Our troublemaker Christine immediately looked for a hidden immunity idol. Coach knew Christine was the new Russell.
Savaii had a similar occupation talk and Jim announced that he was a "forensic scientist" even though he was a marijuana distributer/poker player. We got Mark, the retired gay New Yorker detective, announced his bear status. Way to play up stereotypes. Ozzy decided to work on fire and camp as paranoid teacher/mom Dawn panicked that she wouldn’t have a bed tonight. Ozzy was willing to sleep on the ground.
Poor teacher/mom Dawn would have fit better on the hard working Upolu. Brandon had a "Loco" tattoo and regretted it. He's 19. Just another reason not to get tattoos at a young age. Mikayla got on top of the shelter just to get stuff done which surprisingly upset Brandon. I don't get it. Then he announced that he was married. Nineteen.
As night fell on Upolu, Coach and four others discussed life and strategies for getting a five-person alliance just based off of vibes. Interestingly, Edna wasn't part of it, but she may become Coach's side alliance.
Savaii woke up to Dawn dropping her breakfast pot and crying. She turned to Papa Bear Mark and he reminded her that they were old. We got a montage of Dawn being clumsy and had a loss of emotional control. She then turned to Bob Marley for help. Maybe he could prescribe her some weed that Jim could provide. Semhar had a toothpaste/bush lesson as Ozzy started to get things together a day late. Cochran tried his best to chop a coconut as I expected him to lose a finger. He hoped that his dork charm would be enough to keep him around.
Brandon caught a cute little fishy and needed a basket. More like a sandwich bag. He continued to swim with his shirt on. Sophie had a gut feeling that something was wrong/ Maybe it was the fact that ne never takes off his shirt. He's going to get a rash. It's also the accent. He sounds just like Russell.
The tribes arrived for their immunity challenge. The challenge was an obstacle course ending with a coconut basketball challenge. Nothing out of the ordinary. Along with immunity, they get a hint about the hidden immunity idol. As they prepped, Semhar announced that she would shoot coconuts because "that basket's so big." Maybe she should have weighed the coconuts. The course itself wasn't too much of an issue and the coconut maze was nothing. We got a shot of Edna being tossed over the wall like a sack of potatoes; animated gif material right there. It was down to the coconut toss where everyone tried to do real basketball shots. Underhand is just as good. Poor Semhar mentally quit as she lobbed everything. Mikayla sunk the winning coconut. Upolu celebrated with their immunity, flint, and clue about a clue. Does that mean there's no clue about the idol on Savaii yet? Semhar voiced her concern about failure getting Jim upset. He needs a hit quick. I get it, vote her off, but don't make yourself look like a target so early for being a loose cannon.
Upolu was happy as Christine wanted to find a clue immediately. Each contestant wandered around looking for clues. Stacey in Amazing Race fashion walked right past the clue, the camera zooming in on the clue.
At Savaii, Semhar confronted the team and then confronted Jim for pushing her even further by making faces. While Jim tried to defend himself, he was making faces. Semhar knew she had a bull’s-eye on her back. Dawn looked to be the other liability, but she hoped that the pressure moved to Semhar and Jim. Did anyone notice Semhar had NaOnka socks?
Ozzy talked to the generic good looking contestants and suggested voting for Cochran because he's not physical. You know the truth: Ozzy is afraid another mastermind will eliminate Ozzy. Jim incorrectly read Ozzy as "liking" Semhar. Semhar decided to campaign for herself as much. Jim talked to Cochran and Papa Bear and paranoia mode turned on as Papa Bear tried to calm Cochran.
The tribe arrived for tribal, lit their torches and sat down. Jeff immediately pinpointed Dawn about Redemption Island. She instead admitted to having a loss of confidence. It's like screaming to the cast, vote for me next week. Elyse pointed out the target on Semhar's back. Jim agreed and continued to mime behind Semhar. We get some blonde talking about wanting to compete. Ozzy tried his best to defend Semhar but it didn't work much. Dawn pointed out Cochran should be eliminated based off of his appearance. Papa Bear defended that Cochran didn't know how to get over the wall during the challenge, but got over it after one second of thinking. He tried to defend himself by making Semhar look lazy and calling himself a learner. He pointed out that he didn't need to be rubbed like a genie. After the five-year-old giggling the vote came down to Semhar and Cochran, but the vote went down to a swoop against Semhar. She headed to Redemption Island weeping in the shadows.
Next Week: Cochran 2.0 and Dragon Slayer 3.0
Michael Pascua - TVLatest.com
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