Expedition Impossible Recap: A Blind Man's Nightmare
The race continued for the nine teams as they had to endure another two day stage. For once we have a reason to race for first place on the non-eliminating stage one of the race. The winners of the leg would get the opportunity to get call home from product placement SUV. Interestingly, the only thing the first place winners get for the second day is the happiness of knowing they will race for another day and about five minutes.
Like a broken record, we watched the Gypsies leave in first with a few minutes. They were quickly followed by the second wave of the Blind, Firemen, and Footballers. While I'm not sure why the last group was bunched together, we watched the Gays, Fishermen, Pink Ladies, Cops, and Country Boys all leave in one swoop. Maybe it was to help the Country Boys and Gays who were the last two when both have shown to have a minute amount of prowess.
The Gypsies arrived at the first clue which told them to go to the artist's tent and draw a map on a partner's body using henna. Interestingly, we never see any of the contestants bother referring to the map for the rest of the episode. The other question comes in that henna traditionally lasts a week. Will these people have a random map on their stomachs for days? A lot of homoerotic moments passed as the gypsies chose to draw their maps on stomachs, with teammates' faces a bit too close to their friend’s crotches. Stomach wasn't the only option as Fathead used his fat back as a blank canvas. With so few women left, Kari was the voice going "Mmm...Football Players." It baffled me when Pink messed up their drawing and started over. Firstly, if you were near last place, you could have aligned with your Firemen friends. Secondly, it's not like the map was intricate. It was a vague squiggle, some triangles, and an X. One team should have just written on a stomach "Go northeast, but not near the mountain range."
After six miles, the lead teams started a 200 foot wet rappel. We're reminded that Blind Erik has two children who he dearly misses. It seems funny though that all the other teams miss people, but we never got anything specific. For example, AJ and Ryan are ex-boyfriends, meaning at least one of them has a boyfriend they could call to. While the Gypsies, Footballers, and Blind were down quickly, main Footballer narrator Akbar had to emphasize that Blind Erik was doing better than most of the teams. The lead teams headed through the canyon pass to the checkpoint.
We get some random storyline that Kari is the only remaining strong-willed female willing to push her team. We never hear from the Cops and while there is one Pink who wants to run all the time Pink Brittany and Pink Asian have their moments of weakness.
At the end of the trek, the Gypsies arrive first, football players, and the cops trailing them. This is mostly due to the Blind having issues with river rocks. The front teams had to comb the bed of rocks to find a "fish fossil" which really looked like fish stamped on half a rock. The Gypsies found their fossil first, and left to get their fish dinner in the market. They were followed by the Footballers, Cops, and Fishermen.
The Gypsies were the first to the monger. They got their fish and were told that they were a half mile to the camp. I hope that their fish dinner had ice or else that thing may have become rancid in the next 15 minutes. The Gypsies were in first and Dave told them that their product placement car would have their video message from home. I thought he said it was a call from home? Either way, the gypsies decided to defer the video to another team. It's obvious that the team was No Limits, but we dramatically had to wait as the footballers and cops arrived but weren't told anything.
Maybe I've seen enough reality competitions but when do you ever do a task without having a judge okay your work? Whether it's "hold on to product placement gnome" (The Amazing Race) or "find ancient relic and exchange it for a beer" (Love in the Wild) contestants would never just do a task without getting the next clue. If it was a puzzle that had the map, that was one thing but it was a fish fossil. The Firemen found the fossil around the same time as the Blind and headed out. Then they did one of the stupidest reality TV things: they chucked the rock. Seriously? Then when the fish monger wouldn't give them their fish dinner, the New Yorkers turned on their attitudes and bitched all the way back.
The Gays, Fishermen, and Country Boys found their rock and departed which left the Blind and the Firemen to look for more fish rocks. The Pink Ladies were so far behind that they never even saw the drama. The gays magically arrived in fourth in a combination of Kari prodding her two gay partners (apparently Gimpy and Sickly) to move faster and the inability of other teams to follow instructions.
Both the Blind and the Firemen fixed their issues and the Blind were upset that they had no chance to talk to their families. Lo and behold, Dave told them that the Gypsies got to defer their prize to the Blind. We got to watch a clip of Blind Erik trying to watch a family video. The sound quality must not have been amazing because Erik had to go "are those my kids?"
Then the product placement SUV's phone rang and the Blind got some of the worst cell phone reception. Maybe it was the Bluetooth. Maybe it was Morocco. Maybe it was the product placement SUV. Either way, the Blind were now motivated to continue racing. They found the gypsies at camp and hugged. After the long phone call and videos, Pink arrived in last.
Morning of day two arrived and the teams complained about the cold. The Gypsies continued their homoerotic jokes noting that spooning was the best way to keep warm. With the elimination looming Dave instructed the teams that their next set of instructions were locked in a box. The lock was a traditional Moroccan puzzle that they had to solve. Gypsies had a three minute lead. The second wave of Cops, Gays, and Footballers tried to solve the puzzle quickly. The last four: Blind, Fishermen, Firemen, and Pink all caught up at the puzzle. The gays were confident that they could solve the puzzle. Pink Asian apparently had the whole of China's ancient history on her shoulders. So our stereotypes were that gays and Asians know how to solve puzzles.
With their three whole minutes the Gypsies solved the puzzle first. The clue told them to go five miles to the top of a canyon. Magically the gays and pink ladies solved their puzzle next, proving that this show needed a few early mental puzzles to weed out the meatheads. Pink even tried their best to help the Firefighters to no avail. Our normal middle pack of Blind, Footballers, Cops, Country Boys, and Fishermen left. Blind Erik was no help for this puzzle whatsoever. Somewhere around the 30 minute mark, the Firemen solved their puzzle.
We finally get a chink in the armor as the Gypsies finally got lost. This put the Gays in first. They got to the clue to grab a key from another Moroccan puzzle, this time they had to finger holes until wood came out. That would unlock their rope where they had to rappel then trek two miles. They solved the puzzle before the Gypsies and gained a new boost of energy heading out. The gypsies were now in second, and while frazzled, they dropped their key and had to start fingering over again.
In the back, we found the Pinks slowly walking calmly as if they were just at the beach. It turns out that while Asian Pink was the slowest girl, her Asian puzzle skills were left unappreciated. The Footballers overtook them, quickly followed by the Cops, and Blind. The middle teams quickly fingered the holes for their keys. The Blind proved that two people could have done the puzzle since Blind Erik awkwardly stood there and watched.
Pink, Fishermen, and Country Boys were working on the puzzle as The Fishermen and Footballers finished the rappel. The Firemen were last and caught up with the girls at the rappel. Nerves kicked in and Pink dropped their key. The girls finally solved the puzzle before the Firemen and pushed down the rappel. So our dramatic "who comes last?" was now between the Firemen and Pink Ladies.
In the front, the now adrenaline filled Gays were trying to hold on to their lead while the gypsies made a run for it. When the teams screamed "ankles, ankles" you knew something was going to happen. Soon, Gypsy John popped his ankle. Another Gypsy chink in their armor.
The gays arrived in first, albeit a bit clumsily through the actual path. Kari was now convinced to push her gays even further. The Gypsies arrived in second, citing the popped ankle as the reason they couldn't keep running. Eventually the Footballers, Cops, Blind, Fishermen, and Country Boys also arrived.
As much as we saw walking before the Pink Ladies finally started running, especially seeing that Fathead gave as much as he could as well. Even though the Firemen closed in on the Pink, Pink started sprinting, for once the Pink Asian showed some ability in running. Pink made it in eighth place and were finally spared. A female team finally eliminated an all-male team.
They were happy to be so helpful, blah blah, tears and such. Red chopper away!
Next Week: Plunges, Zip lines, and the Blind kayak to obvious results. Am I going to hell for laughing at Blind Erik?
Michael Pascua - TVLatest.com
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