Expedition Impossible Recap: I Don't Know How to Ride This Thing!
Two days of challenges await the contestants on this week's Expedition Impossible. The camels are back, feistier than ever, and teams had to build boats to reach the first of two checkpoints. This does not sound Impossible.
Two days' travel really could have been squished into one challenge if the producers wanted to, but instead the racers' legs were split so that the contestants wouldn't sue that their ankles were worn off by their own stupidity. Just to add fuel to the fire the camels made a triumphant return, now meaner than ever. The teams had to transport camel feed before even getting to the camels.
The Gypsies got a 5 minute head start which was rendered moot because of day two and also the fact that teams quickly caught up by lightly jogging. Speaking of catching up, the second huddle of The Blind, Country Boys, and Footballers left in second. Keep note: in the end, the top four teams stay in the same exact positions. The next groups to leave were Kansas, Gays, and Fishermen; Kansas announcing that they were working together with Pink to create an ultimate six woman group. It didn't help much this episode. In the last group were the Cops, Firemen, Pink, and Depends.
The Cops knew they could make good time, while the Fishermen voiced over that they just wanted to be "middle of the pack." We also learned that Kansas could speak to camels. With Depends on the bottom, Grandpa wanted to make sure they weren't last. Of these four statements, only one was true.
Gypsies got the next clue to ride the camels for 3.8 miles to the olive mill. Though the place was called an olive mill, we never learned what they did there, only the fact that they use big blue barrels. Barrels that were being used not for food, but for transportation. The camels were immediately upset with the Gypsies, but they headed out without too much issue. The footballers just took off without too many complaints about their weight.
Blind Erik had a lot of trouble with his camel so their team decided that maybe Erik should walk. After struggling with even getting off, Erik followed his team. If Erik was attached to his partner they should have just gone and then stopped later on. One of the gays got kicked by the camel, quickly followed by a montage of the Fishermen, Firefighters, and Cops getting camel jabs.
Gays, Kansas, Cops, and Fishermen hovered the middle. Kansas' "Camel whisperer" prediction was immediately jinxed as a red shirt went overboard; her bookbag flying away as the camel bucked her off. The fishermen quickly stopped to ask if she was okay and then walked away. I doubted that they could have helped much. Instead they looked insincere as they walked away. After getting up, the girls decided to walk their camels, making them lose time.
The lead teams got their next clue to build a raft out of olive oil barrels by loading six empty barrels on the camels and then going to the river to connect all the pieces. They would then paddle to the next destination. The Camels were upset with their new barrels and bucked as much as possible. Like always, The Gypsies and Country Boys were in the front with the Footballers confused how to build a raft. As much as the Country Boys claim construction work helping, the six barrels go on the sides of the plank of wood; that doesn't take a degree in building, that’s one high school physics class.
The blind arrived in third complaining about more visual challenges. It's a bit upsetting that they couldn't at least have instructions in braille, then Erik could read the instructions. The boat wasn't the challenge though; it was the wind and strong current. The teams weren't rowing deep enough as shown by the Footballers’ paddles lightly touching water.
The fishermen complained about being beat by girls and the Blind. How about just getting used to it? Why aren't they complaining that Southerners are beating them too? Somehow the pinks and reds were close in time so they shared valuable tips. Mackenzie explained how she's missing prom. She's probably missing the senior car wash, yearbook distribution, and Senior Cut Day.
The Country Boys got the next clue to paddle another mile, then trek another mile to the overnight camp. As much as all the rear teams struggled with paddling, the episode was all about how excited Grandpa Dick was. In this case Dick was excited that they were done with camels, and their strong rafting gained time on Pink. The Kansas girls arrived on the island and told to paddle another mile, mentally breaking them. Depends arrived at 10th at the clue marker with Pink trailing. The girls were embarrassed that the excited Dick overtook them.
Gypsies and the Country Boys arrived in first, arms locked. Footballers and the Blind arrived in the next lump of contestants. The Gays started complaining about blisters, but they knew they still were fabulous without their creature comforts. Kansas and Pink were overtaken by a Dick and his Depends. As the last to check in, Kansas, got reprimanded by Dave. Really Dave? It was like a parent nonchalantly saying, "You failed the test, don't do it again" and then walking away. McKenzie was in tears because of her ankles. This is why you wear socks. Apparently, she never got the memo.
Did I mention that all of Day One was moot because the teams departed the same style as day one? The only exceptions were that the Gypsies left with the Country Boys at the same time and the teams probably had their worst night of sleep because of the howling wind against their tarps. Teams were given a Scroll to use for their upcoming puzzle teams had to trek to. The teams pretty much left almost the same way they did on day one with the mild exception of the Cops now making it to the middle pack.
The Gypsies arrived in first to the puzzle and read their clue: the teams would have to decipher a clue from the scroll they had in their possession to unlock their next clue. All they had to do was wrap the code around the pole. Everyone hung their scrolls up onto the poles like flags. It was the country boys that started wrapping their puzzles around the pole. Soon all four lead teams followed suit. Blind Erik almost looked like he could help, but it was yet another visual challenge for him to step back on.
The back teams arrived and started to wrap their clues around the poles as they arrived because they saw the front teams doing the same thing, thus negating the real "challenge" of the puzzle. It ended up that poor wrapping or reading skills was the real issue. The Country Boys maintained their first place position and were given the clue to run for a mile to their next checkpoint. Like a broken record, The Blind, Gypsies, and Footballers followed. The Firefighters, Gays, Cops, Pink, Depends, and Kansas all started running as the Fishermen stood there in confusion. They were "bummed out" because they were losing to women. And a blind guy. And gay guys. And New Yorkers.
The country boys got the final clue that they had two ways to getting to the checkpoint: The long easy route (4.1 miles) or the Short difficult route (3.3 miles with elevation taken into consideration). The sad reality was that the 3.3 miles probably didn't take into account that height would be much more difficult to deal with in the windy weather. The first seven teams to arrive picked the river. To try to make up time (which they didn't) the Cops and Kansas took the mountain. The Cops quickly overtook Kansas and were confident that they were at least ahead of one team. The Fishermen finally got their clue and headed out 20 minutes behind.
In front the Country Boys, Blind, and Gypsies started a fight for first. There was apparently a middle pack that was doing okay for Americans that didn't train much. Our focus landed on the back teams: Kansas was alone on the mountain and Depends were going slow on the river with the Fishermen gaining time on them.
To save us any drama we were given a quick montage of check ins: Gypsies arrived in first yet again. They were followed by the Blind and Country Boys. The Footballers, Gays, Firemen, Pink, and Cops arrived in an order that wasn't surprising at all, maybe less so that Pink never helped Kansas with their puzzle.
After the commercial break, only three teams were around and it seemed obvious that with so much time in front of Depends that Kansas maintained their position of 9th place. The Fishermen took over Depends and sadly it wasn't Grandpa Dick that was holding Team Depends back, it was the daughter. The cold temperature took a toll on the women, but they all fought as hard as possible. To no surprise, Kansas arrived in 9th. Fishermen were in 10th, but they were shamed to be losing to women. Team Depends may have more living to do, but it wouldn't be on the race. Grandpa Dick was still excited till the end.
While an all-female team didn't get eliminated, one more woman bit the dust, thus lowering the chances of a woman even making it to the finals.
Next Week on Expedition Impossible: Snow. Mountains. Possible Vomiting?
Michael Pascua – TVLatest.com
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