Expedition Impossible Recap: Light My Way!
On this week's Expedition Impossible, the twelve remaining teams traveled by horseback and kayak as they worked through this week's "challenges." We get to meet the teams we missed last week and say goodbye to one more trio.
Last week on Expedition Impossible: Thirteen teams began their Moroccan adventure, including climbing sand dunes, counting cobras, digging for water, and avoiding getting flustered by camels. Team Latina couldn't quite get a handle on their bickering and found themselves to be the first team "evacuated" from the game.
Twelve teams remained and, unlike The Amazing Race where there was a minimum of 12-hours, all the contestants started in front of the next start line. Our non-existant host explained that the teams first had to travel on foot to get to some wild horses. AJ interjected exclaiming that he wasn't fond of horses.
Dave explained that the teams would be released in waves starting with the winning team last leg: The Gypsies. Then I was bummed to find out that they only had a five minute advantage. All the racing to get five minutes? At least give them 15 minutes or a better meal or something. They headed out and while the Gypsies had five minutes, they also had learned a few phrases in Arabic. They asked the horse trainers if there was any good horse, but the trainers laughed them off.
The second wave of racers left: the Gays, Kansas, and the now third-person speaking Football players. The Gays continuously talked about how they were being underestimated, but we don't see any of it this episode. Instead the gays underestimate the women. It's a vicious cycle. The third wave consisted of the Country Boys, Fisherman, the Firemen, and the Blind. The fourth wave of contestants, apparently only 45 minutes behind the moustachioed Gypsies, were: The Cops, Pink, Depends, and Mom's Army.
The Gypsies left the horse pen as the Football players arrived first looking for the largest horse, cursing up a storm. They knew that they would need something that could handle their weight, little did they know that their weight would play a significant role this whole leg. The Kansas girls boasted some horse experience, being from Kansas and all, but immediately, Lindsay had no control of the horses. Those horses could smell the fear in the red shirts. Macenzie, the 18-year-old, just wanted to go to math class. I think I'd rather be bucked by a horse than go to Calculus.
The Blind arrived and Eric was placed on a horse. The other partner of the Blind team fell to the ground. This show was just trying to get more blind people. It doesn't help that as each episode progresses, they are proving that the most competent person on the Blind team is the blind person.
About four miles out Gypsies, Footballers, and Kansas were part of the front pack. The Footballers complained about their weight being an issue with their horses' speed. We jump and find out that the Blind and the Firemen were in sixth and seventh; the firefighters motivated that the blind guy was doing better than their overweight bodies.
In a feat of "We could have been eliminated before the first real challenge," the Country Boys caught up to the lead teams, with their apparent country/cowboy horse experience. Some of these people should just have said, "Yeah, I tried to prepare for this show" and not claim life experiences.
The middle pack consisted of the Firemenn, Cops, Fishermen, Gays, and Depends. Like the last episode, there were still too many teams to focus on so Depends and Fishermen both get shoved to the side. Their racing skills were apparently competent this episode. Unfortunately, our focus shifted to the Mom from Mom's army struggling and the Pink girls in last with their breasts bouncing from the wild horses. They talked about winning and we are given a visual juxtaposition of horses walking backwards. The girls were doing a slow trot in hopes that their horses wouldn't buck them.
The Gypsies and Country Boys were at the first puzzle of the episode which clearly wasn't thought out well enough. They had to get a bucket and fill an urn that will release the next map for the teams. The groups had two choices: big buckets with holes and the small ones without. The Gypsies studied both buckets and got the small bucket, but Kansas got the big ones in hope that they could make up time; little did they consider the weight of a bucket full of water.
The football players chose the larger bucket; as they filled the bucket they realized that it was leaking water. Immediately, one footballer takes off his shirt to hold the extra water. Kansas smiled staring at the shirtless guy. In this amazing (for TV that is) moment, Team Blind arrived in fifth and the other two contestants left Eric the blind standing there.
After the commercial break, poor Eric was wandering looking for Jeff. That asshat. Eric was like a lost puppy looking for its owner. They eventually found Eric and continued on. I thought it was easier if they left Eric by the team urn. The five teams in the front were: The Country boys, Footballers, Kansas, Blind, and Gypsies. To continue to point out how stupid the big bucket/small bucket puzzle was, magically the country boys found "extra plastic bags" laying around and patched their bucket holes. Where were these plastic bags? Next thing you'll tell me is that a team found hot tar and a paintbrush and sealed all their holes.
The Firemen, Cops, Mom's Army, and Gays arrived in the second wave. The cops finally got to introduce themselves, but their heavy Massachusetts accents distracted me from what they were actually saying. The fact that we were intruded to them in this episode pointed out that they were going to be near the bottom or skyrocket to the front.
The Country Boys, with their plastic bag bucket, got in first place because a large bucket without holes managed to fill the urn in one shot. Someone fire the puzzle designer. The boys got the clue that they would have to go to the river and raft on inflatable kayaks. They were quickly followed by the Gypsies that followed the instructions.
The Football players and the Blind also succeeded and headed out. The Country Boys had to inflate their kayaks; they were happy because they claimed to have white water experience. Yet another claim that didn't turn out so well. The Gypsies arrived as the Country Boys were still pumping. The country boys with Chad having a lot of issues paddling (read: going backwards). The river was so shallow that they were dragging their asses on the bottom. Walking the first few yards probably would have helped.
The rest of the teams started heading over to the puzzle. Pink had a 45-minute deficit and chose the "wrong" bucket at first. Apparently all the T-shirts and plastic bags were used.
While kayaking, the Gypsies glided past the Country Boys because of their weight. The Blind and Cops were in front, and Depends were catching up. Mom's Army, Firefighters, and Gays were all in the middle. Fathead was too overweight for their own good. AJ of the gays hysterically was dragged under a random rock bridge with little Moroccan children laughing at his misfortune.
The Blind trying to lead Eric was interesting, screaming that rapids were coming up to him was more successful then the members Kansas was beinbging pulled under. Mom's Army had issues when mom flipped over and apparently drowned during the commercial break, her paddle floating away. I understand that they are trying to have the cliffhanger before the break like The Amazing Race, but pretending that the contestant disappeared into the undercurrent of the river was silly.
As the commercial ended, Mom was afraid of paddling down the river, but the daughters managed to convince her to keep going. The Pink ladies decided to use the opportunity to overtake the team; apparently they made up a good 15 to 20 minutes with the bucket-challenge.
The lead teams got to the next checkpoint. The challenge was that they were given a map and find a lamp that would "light" the correct path for the racers to go to get to the finish point. While the Country Boys and Cops were looking around, the gypsies immediately found that it was the Old Bridge. The Country Boys followed with the Cops in third.
In a moment of "Overweight Americans" both the fat firemen and overly buff football players were too fat to drift down. Fathead flipped over and slammed his head into a rock.
Depends, Fishermen, Gays, and Blind all got to the puzzle and most of the contestants figured out the puzzle and headed out. The Fishermen, who also had the heavy "Maddachusets" accent, bickered a bit even though they knew the correct answer was Old Bridge. Joe, the self-proclaimed leader didn't want to go. It's not like the team miscounted snakes, that was just being stubborn.
The Pink ladies made up some decent time as the middle pack teams made it to the lantern puzzle. Pink and Kansas decided to work together in an "alliance" for this race. I'm not sure it was really beneficial from Kansas, but maybe both teams were afraid that the all-female teams were going to go in quick succession.
The Firemen and Mom's Army were lost figuring out the puzzle. The firemen had no clue what to do, and tried every lantern possible. It seems obvious that something methodical would have been the most helpful. Magically both the Firemen and Mom's Army solved the puzzle at the "same time." Don't you love the editing?
The Gypsies arrived at the Bridge first with the Country boys wandering around nearby. The Gypsies eventually found a wall and decided to follow it in. They arrived in first place again. They were followed by the Country Boys. The Cops decided to go for a high point to look for the Old Bridge. They continued to bicker in their thick accents. The Blind arrived in third, Footballers in Fourth, Gays in fifth, Fishermen in sixth, Kansas in seventh, Depends in eight, Pink in Ninth. How was it that the two female teams worked together and yet didn't come in exactly in back-to-back places?
Our drama came from the lost cops, firemen, and army. Just typing that made me slightly disappointed that all the civilian teams were doing much better. Mom's Army were walking in circles and broke into tears because they didn't know what to do.
The cops considered to cross the riverbed. Their pace started to slow down and were going off course. The Firemen passed the Cops and they stopped to thing. Were they supposed to be going downstream or upstream as the cops were? They took a commercial break to realize that they were going in the right direction. The cops saw the wall and headed over. Mom's Army saw some footprints and decided to follow.
The Firemen walked around the wall to find a door and arrived in tenth. The Cops were confused, but they saw the Bridge. They had no clue where the destination was. Mom's Army saw the bridge but decided to go for the wall nearby. The Cops apparently were so bad at direction that they only found the camp because they climbed the hill to see where they were going. Mom's Army was last. Mom blames herself, but the daughters were proud of her.
Next week: The Camels and sand return for revenge.
Michael Pascua – TVLatest.com
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